After a week of recharge with my Girl Scout Troop, I am back home in Tampa readjusting to life. As a teacher, I won't go back to work until next month, but it's not like I have a lot of time on my hands.
My husband and I have been getting our teenagers off to their activities this week. Both are at camps that they had to be selected for. Our son is at the Coast Guard Academy for the AIM (Academy Introductiry Mission) program and our daughter is staffing the Boy Scout NYLT (National Youth Leadership Training) course at our local council summer camp. They are growing up and will soon be off on their own paths to adventure in life.
My husband has been battling cancer for more than two years now. It's been a long road with many twists and turns and one sheer cliff and it continues onward. Today I am not mad or sad about this journey. I know now that we are all here for a reason. The hard part for us humans is not knowing the reason. So today, I know that my job is to be here for him. (My iPhone just auto-corrected that last word to Him, not him. God has a funny sense of humor even through technology!)
I have been thinking about my "purpose" after reading the blog my friend, Annabell, AKA The Shoe String Vegan, just posted. As she said, I have to be willing to change my outlook so that I can see the real me and my purpose. The layoff from a corporate job that set me on the course to becoming a teacher 6 years ago was a blessing. I love teaching 6th graders outside every day. I love scouting and spending my weekends outdoors with them. I love my family and being outdoors with them.
(Photo above; sunlight through the windows of the hospital give a different perspective to this artwork!)
So what happens when your family can't or won't go outside. That is the part I struggle with. Is it selfish on my part or is it something they need also, and I was meant to connect them more with the outdoors? That's the not knowing part. So much research supports the second conclusion (being outside is good for you) that I am going with that.
I ran into a neighbor this morning at the doctor's office. I knew her, but couldn't remember from where. We both laughed when she made the connection for me. She was kind and told me I had just never seen her all dressed up. After having some skin cancer removed scraped off my skin today, my doctor said "will you be outside today?" It was all I could do to keep from laughing! "Does a bear poo in the woods?" I thought as I giggled a "Yes" response prompting them to bandage me up further.
(Photo above; game of "Life" set up in the hospital waiting room)
As my neighbor and I talked about health issues in the waiting room, I was struck with the thought of thankfulness for my health and yet at the same time felt guilty for thinking that. Why is it that we have to see others suffering to appreciate what we have? Why is it that I appreciate triathlons after being at a cancer center all day? Why is it that I love health and hate cancer? Just normal feelings for us imperfect humans, I have come to learn.
I think it all has to do with perspective. Why is everyone so nice when you pass them in the halls at the Cancer Center?(My husband is having a scan today.) It's because they have the perspective that life is precious and must be experienced at its fullest. One of our kayak instructors mentioned a program they help with called "First Descents", an organization that gets cancer patients ages 18-39 out experiencing adventures and living life. They are helping with that perspective. (Unfortunately, my husband does not qualify.)
A friend sent me a card on "perspective" that I received when I got back from my last trip. It had Noah sailing away on the ark with two dinasours on an island saying "Oh Cr*p! Was that today?" It made me laugh and think about perspective. She and her husband have to think about it all the time.
So, what element in your life needs some perspective? For me it's anything that makes me uncomfortable. It's needles, doctor visits, cancer, traffic, routine, boredom, triathlons, and going to my college class reunion!
Yep! I am scared to death of seeing people I know from 30 years ago! Why? Because I am not the same person I was then. Then again, I bet they aren't either. I just heard a Tim McGraw song that helped me put it in perspective; "Better than I used to be"...."I'm learning who you've been ain't who you gotta be".
Maybe it's more like, who I am now is different than who I was, and that's just fine, because life helps us grow and became who we are supposed to be; meant for a purpose. Look for opportunities to show love. Be present for others. Live life to the fullest. Be yourself.
... And grow where you are planted
ReplyDelete:)
Amen!
Delete